http://the-ambush-bug.livejournal.com/ (
the-ambush-bug.livejournal.com) wrote in
watchtower_fans2007-04-30 12:56 pm
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Entry tags:
And Now, The Gnus.

A steel-drum rendition of a typical nightly news theme can be heard - a familiar antennaed silhouette sits behind a desk, holding a stack of papers. As the lights come up, the three-piece suit and bad toupee are revealed.
"Good evening. Our top story tonight - famed comic book writer Mark Millar has been killed in the Marvel Universe, causing a spontaneous outpouring of joy amongst the heroes of that world. When asked to comment on the seemingly out-of-character celebration of a human being's death, several sources simply shrugged and said that it made for 'a better story.' More on that as it develops."
He looks to his co-anchor, a familiar mute kewpie doll in a red superhero jumpsuit - ALSO wearing a bad toupee. "I'm Ambush Bug, and this is my co-anchor, Cheeks. Welcome to WTDC Channel 5 News. Other hard-hitting stories, sports, and weather, all coming up next. Stay tuned."
Commercial Break
[Cheery whistling tune]
Hourman leaps into a swarm of criminals, an eerie grin on his face, fists connecting with jaws, one after the other.
Narration: "Miraclo, for natural male enhancement."
Re: Commercial Break
Narration: "Sometimes, power is important. You need batteries you can trust. And when Professor Ivo and T.O. Morrow send one of their killer Amazo androids up against the Justice League, the only battery they trust is Evercell."
[A spinning battery is shown, with the familiar three-note musical sting.]
Re: Commercial Break
Narration: "New Feed Wagon X-Treme.."
A white dog, wearing a cape, is in hot pursuit - the wagon driver steers into a cabinet, only to have the dog effortlessly smash through the cabinet in its zeal.
Narration: ".. for Super-Pets."
The wagon is quickly smashed by the dog, who begins to devour the edible cargo while the driver flees.
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As the music cuts off, he chuckles. "..that's pretty funny, Cheeks. Ah, we're back."
"Other headlines this evening - master time-travelling villain, Per Degaton, is on the loose again, using futuristic resources to attack heroes throughout time and space. This reporter spoke to one of the sources who supplied the mad chrononaut - but the supplier mostly declined to comment, other than to say he sold certain rare radioactive materials."
"When asked how much he charged Per Degaton, he replied simply that he sells by the pound instead."
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Ambush Bug looks off camera. "Ah, apparently, standards and practices wants me to wait on that story. More at 11."
He shuffles the pile of papers in his hands.
"And now, for a peek at Sports, we head over to sports correspondent, the Sportsmaster!"
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The graphic behind him has changed to display Nico Minoru, of the Runaways.
".. not that kind of Hot Topic. Oh. Oh! Wait, that might be the right graphic. A recent topic of discussion is underage heroes. Teenage vigilantes. Barely post-adolescent bullet shields. Er.. sidekicks."
"I did some man-on-the-street interviews, asking folks what they thought about minors running around and fighting crime - here's what they had to say."
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Yeah, I have no idea where I was going with that either. Who the hell are you anyways?"
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Something amuses Nightwing about the question, for some reason. It is a mystery.
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He holds up the kewpie doll.
"So you wouldn't recommend regulating it via law?"
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Alvin might not, in fact, know what he's saying.
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You probably get to pick your own clothes..."Is there an echo out here? Probably just a crappy typist.
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Then he begins to bawl.
"BUUUUUUUCCKYYYYYYY!!!!!" He grasps Ambush Bug and begins to sob.
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The camera is focused six inches below Caitlin's face.
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Pause.
I sure as hell hope that's my bike you're staring at.
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Back in the studio..
"Stay tuned for our feature presentation - Them!-iscyra : Antazons Attack, followed by a brand new episode of that hit sitcom, Just the Great Ten of Us. This week, August General-in-Iron lies about a secret government project to impress the others, and hilarity ensues!"