And Now, The Gnus.

[the-ambush-bug.livejournal.com]

A steel-drum rendition of a typical nightly news theme can be heard - a familiar antennaed silhouette sits behind a desk, holding a stack of papers. As the lights come up, the three-piece suit and bad toupee are revealed.

"Good evening. Our top story tonight - famed comic book writer Mark Millar has been killed in the Marvel Universe, causing a spontaneous outpouring of joy amongst the heroes of that world. When asked to comment on the seemingly out-of-character celebration of a human being's death, several sources simply shrugged and said that it made for 'a better story.' More on that as it develops."

He looks to his co-anchor, a familiar mute kewpie doll in a red superhero jumpsuit - ALSO wearing a bad toupee. "I'm Ambush Bug, and this is my co-anchor, Cheeks. Welcome to WTDC Channel 5 News. Other hard-hitting stories, sports, and weather, all coming up next. Stay tuned."

Comments

Commercial Break

[jla-extras.livejournal.com]

Narration: "Rick.. had a problem. He just couldn't stand up to criminals the way he used to. But now, his resolve is stiffer than ever."

[Cheery whistling tune]

Hourman leaps into a swarm of criminals, an eerie grin on his face, fists connecting with jaws, one after the other.

Narration: "Miraclo, for natural male enhancement."

Re: Commercial Break

[jla-villains.livejournal.com]

[A montage of video plays, various fight scenes with Amazo attacking the Justice League]

Narration: "Sometimes, power is important. You need batteries you can trust. And when Professor Ivo and T.O. Morrow send one of their killer Amazo androids up against the Justice League, the only battery they trust is Evercell."

[A spinning battery is shown, with the familiar three-note musical sting.]

Re: Commercial Break

[jla-extras.livejournal.com]

A miniature covered wagon rounds a tight corner into a kitchen, the tiny driver cracking the whip on the miniature horses.

Narration: "New Feed Wagon X-Treme.."

A white dog, wearing a cape, is in hot pursuit - the wagon driver steers into a cabinet, only to have the dog effortlessly smash through the cabinet in its zeal.

Narration: ".. for Super-Pets."

The wagon is quickly smashed by the dog, who begins to devour the edible cargo while the driver flees.

[the-ambush-bug.livejournal.com]

The view returns to the newsroom, and Ambush Bug is chatting animatedly with Cheeks - the theme song blotting out whatever he might be saying.

As the music cuts off, he chuckles. "..that's pretty funny, Cheeks. Ah, we're back."

"Other headlines this evening - master time-travelling villain, Per Degaton, is on the loose again, using futuristic resources to attack heroes throughout time and space. This reporter spoke to one of the sources who supplied the mad chrononaut - but the supplier mostly declined to comment, other than to say he sold certain rare radioactive materials."

"When asked how much he charged Per Degaton, he replied simply that he sells by the pound instead."

[the-ambush-bug.livejournal.com]

". . ."

[the-ambush-bug.livejournal.com]

"In other new, celebrity couple MODOK and MODAM have apparently split again, citing irreconcilable similarities. Ironically, according to one rumor magazine, it has been suggested that MODOK left MODAM because she wouldn't give him h-.."

Ambush Bug looks off camera. "Ah, apparently, standards and practices wants me to wait on that story. More at 11."

He shuffles the pile of papers in his hands.

"And now, for a peek at Sports, we head over to sports correspondent, the Sportsmaster!"

[the-ambush-bug.livejournal.com]

"One of the hot topics that have arisen recently is .."

The graphic behind him has changed to display Nico Minoru, of the Runaways.

".. not that kind of Hot Topic. Oh. Oh! Wait, that might be the right graphic. A recent topic of discussion is underage heroes. Teenage vigilantes. Barely post-adolescent bullet shields. Er.. sidekicks."

"I did some man-on-the-street interviews, asking folks what they thought about minors running around and fighting crime - here's what they had to say."

[bouncywarrior.livejournal.com]

"Erm, interview? About underage superheroing? I'm completely for it. Heck I used to do it myself, and now I don't cause I'm 18 so now it's not underage superheroing anymore, but uh...
Yeah, I have no idea where I was going with that either. Who the hell are you anyways?"

[the-ambush-bug.livejournal.com]

"The name's Irwin, but most folks call me Ambush Bug! Or sometimes 'Hey, you!' So you don't think it's a little dangerous out there for the kids? Should there be a minimum age to be a hero?"

[kilowog.livejournal.com]

"You're really gonna tell someone they're not old enough to do good things? What the hell kinda reasoning is that, poozer?

[the-ambush-bug.livejournal.com]

"You make a very good point. But where do we draw the line? And what with?"

[dickgrayson.livejournal.com]

"Probably takes better guidance than most of them get, I suspect. There's a lot of trouble out there- and putting a teenaged kid right in the front line? That can just be asking for trouble, if you don't pay attention to what you're doing."
Something amuses Nightwing about the question, for some reason. It is a mystery.

[the-ambush-bug.livejournal.com]

"Well, of course, the outline's a little fuzzier if we're talking about an actual sidekick type, under direct supervision of an adult vigilante. Like Cheeks, here."

He holds up the kewpie doll.

"So you wouldn't recommend regulating it via law?"

[la-belette.livejournal.com]

"...Isn't talking about underage girls in spandex against the law now?"

[the-ambush-bug.livejournal.com]

"Only if they're fighting crime, I think. So what's your opinion?"

[redlyreflecting.livejournal.com]

"Kinda crazy, innit? Sometimes, man, I think, what is that about, like, who do they think they are? Sometimes a guy can be engaged in perfectly legal situations, you know what I'm sayin, and it just all looks shady but that's life! -- Hey, check me, Mandy, I'm on TV!"
Alvin might not, in fact, know what he's saying.

[hiddenbeasts.livejournal.com]

"Ah? Underage superheroes? I think it all depends on the circumstances. If they are a part of a superhero family or a professional group, I think they should be fine. I myself am kinda wary about the sidekick thing though."

[thefireofasaint.livejournal.com]

"Huh. Guess it's better than joining a cult-like terrorist organization with highly prejudiced ideals. You probably get to pick your own clothes..."

Is there an echo out here? Probably just a crappy typist.

[notsmart.livejournal.com]

"L-Ron, make this annoying guy with the microphone go away, will you?"

[cap-a.livejournal.com]

The man seems to hold it together briefly... then his chin begins to wibble.

Then he begins to bawl.

"BUUUUUUUCCKYYYYYYY!!!!!" He grasps Ambush Bug and begins to sob.

[andbrainstoo.livejournal.com]

"Well, statistically, while a teenage superhero might not have the training or experience of his or her older equivalent, so much of the superheroism business comes down to judgment, sheer power, or pure dumb luck that I don't see why it's a problem."

The camera is focused six inches below Caitlin's face.

[sexy-huntress.livejournal.com]

"Get that damned thing out of my face."

[-nightwing-.livejournal.com]

I'd be the biggest damn hypocrite around if I said banning underage vigilantism was a good idea. I mean, think about it - being a vigilante's considered illegal to start with. What's the point in banning something that's already illegal? If a kid wants to do something bad enough, they'll find a way to do it. Better to do it with the right training than none at all, but somehow I don't really trust the federal government to have a clue as to how to go about doing that right.

Pause.

I sure as hell hope that's my bike you're staring at.

[oracle-watching.livejournal.com]

The holographic face is inscrutable.

Back in the studio..

[the-ambush-bug.livejournal.com]

"Well, I think that was enlightening, don't you, Cheeks? Remember, people - don't kick your minors in the side. And Vigilantes are generally good, except for the 80's kind with the black ski-mask and red-tinted goggles."

"Stay tuned for our feature presentation - Them!-iscyra : Antazons Attack, followed by a brand new episode of that hit sitcom, Just the Great Ten of Us. This week, August General-in-Iron lies about a secret government project to impress the others, and hilarity ensues!"