Ambush Bug Presents #5

[the-ambush-bug.livejournal.com]

(Music Cue : "Have a Holly-Jolly Christmas")

The stage resembles a large, stylish den in this outing - decorated with all the Christmas trimmings. Stockings are hung by the chimney with care. There's a tree, decorated with metallic orange tinsel. Houngan is there, sitting at a piano.

Standing by the tree is Ambush Bug, in a Fred Rogers-esque outfit, complete with slacks, a sweater, and a toupee. He's sipping a small cup of egg nog as he 'notices' the camera. "Oh, well! Seems our guests have finally arrived. Hello, folks, and welcome to the Ambush Bug Christmas Special Extravaganzapalooza. Now also serving Hanukkah and Kwanzaa, to the best of our limited ability to understand and properly spell those holidays."

"We have a whole evening of Holiday Fun lined up - some special guests to make you smile, and I may just belt out a rendition of some holiday standard. Later on, I think we'll go to the phones, and maybe we'll even look at some letters to Santa Claus.."

He trails off, looking annoyedly off-camera towards his musical director. "What are you fidgeting about, Houngan?"

Comments

[the-ambush-bug.livejournal.com]

"Allrighty! I think we'll open it up for phone calls now, though we're a little short on time - got something you want to say on the air? Give us a ring."

[webslingah.livejournal.com]

"Hey there, Buggy. First time caller. I'm swinging by the Raft to pay a holiday visit to a few of my favorite inmates and I caught the guards watching your Christmas special.."

[the-ambush-bug.livejournal.com]

"Spidey! Long time, no see, buddy. What's this I hear about you unmasking on TV?"

[webslingah.livejournal.com]

"Pure bunko, my good man. Just a nasty little Skrull infestation over in this universe - Reed forgot to spray for the little twerps, and they got into everything. We're still not sure if we've got the real Iron Man, since he was kind of a jerk to begin with."

[the-ambush-bug.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, I know what you mean. We had some White Martians a while back - lousy shapeshifters. I think one of them replaced my landlord. My heat's been broken for months, and they have that aversion to fire.."

[webslingah.livejournal.com]

"Heh. Well, anyways - Happy Holidays, Bug. Hang on a sec.."

There's a Thwip! sound, followed by some loud snorting, followed by heavy thrashing and muffled curses.

"Gotta go. I just webbed the Rhino's nostrils shut through his cell window. Later, my man!"

[ye-olde-scratch.livejournal.com]

"Hi there! How'd you like to refinance your home for no money down and a low APR, while simultaneously increasing the size of your masculinity and making money hand over fist from these stocks I can recommend to you?"

[the-ambush-bug.livejournal.com]

"I dunno - can you throw in a Pocket Fisherman?"

[ye-olde-scratch.livejournal.com]

"With a real hook that you can entangle in bystander's hair? You got it!"

[the-ambush-bug.livejournal.com]

"Do you take Diner's Club cards?"

[kang-cross-time.livejournal.com]

"Hey, Ambush Bug," say several voices in unison. "Any suggestions for Christmas Gifts one should get their alternate timeline selves? We're on something of a budget."

"Cheapskate," comes a lone reply from the crowd.

[the-ambush-bug.livejournal.com]

"Oh, I know just the thing. Last year, I arranged a Secret Santa thing with my alternates, and we each got each other label-makers. That way everyone can sticker themselves with their timeline designation!"

[kang-cross-time.livejournal.com]

"Just what we need! Thanks, Buggie!"

"Now, I'm the prime Kang."

"No, I'm the prime Kang!"

"If you don't let me be prime Kang, I'm blasting you all with this encephilo-ray that will destroy alternate timelines!"

There's the brief sound of a scuffle before the line goes dead.

[hail-hydra.livejournal.com]

"Mr. Bug? I've got a problem you might be able to assist with. There's this guy I've got my eye on. We're very compatible, and, well... I'm no size queen, but I'll just say he's got a very large part of his anatomy. I've tried putting on makeup -- I've tried overthrowing his criminal empire -- nothing I do seems to get his attention. Any ideas?"

[the-ambush-bug.livejournal.com]

"A nice Christmas gift tailored to his tastes is a good ice-breaker - but don't fall into the trap of flattery. The last thing you want to do is give him a swelled head."

[hail-hydra.livejournal.com]

"Hmmm... so, a small eastern European country, maybe?"

[the-ambush-bug.livejournal.com]

"That might do. I've heard that San Marino and Monaco have had some recalls, so you may want to splurge for the Luxembourg."