Ambush Bug Presents #5

[the-ambush-bug.livejournal.com]

(Music Cue : "Have a Holly-Jolly Christmas")

The stage resembles a large, stylish den in this outing - decorated with all the Christmas trimmings. Stockings are hung by the chimney with care. There's a tree, decorated with metallic orange tinsel. Houngan is there, sitting at a piano.

Standing by the tree is Ambush Bug, in a Fred Rogers-esque outfit, complete with slacks, a sweater, and a toupee. He's sipping a small cup of egg nog as he 'notices' the camera. "Oh, well! Seems our guests have finally arrived. Hello, folks, and welcome to the Ambush Bug Christmas Special Extravaganzapalooza. Now also serving Hanukkah and Kwanzaa, to the best of our limited ability to understand and properly spell those holidays."

"We have a whole evening of Holiday Fun lined up - some special guests to make you smile, and I may just belt out a rendition of some holiday standard. Later on, I think we'll go to the phones, and maybe we'll even look at some letters to Santa Claus.."

He trails off, looking annoyedly off-camera towards his musical director. "What are you fidgeting about, Houngan?"

Comments

[old-saint-nick.livejournal.com]

A squad of tiny pointy-eared men armed dressed in red and green camouflage move around the set, checking the room for threats.

"We've got a bogie at 6:00," one says, speaking into a radio that looks frighteningly like a Barbie Karaoke machine.

[ye-olde-scratch.livejournal.com]

The fat man in red looks at the small elves and sigh.

"Medamn it," he sighs. "You made a typo on your invitation. Expect to be hearing from my lawyers for this."

And he vanishes with a cloud of brimstone smoke and a *BAMF* of displaced air.

[old-saint-nick.livejournal.com]

"Bogie neutralized. The Fat Man is clear for insertion."

[the-ambush-bug.livejournal.com]

"That sounds vaguely lewd, little guy. In any case, without further ado, Kris Kringle!"

[old-saint-nick.livejournal.com]

The old man laughs as he enters, his eyes a'twinkle.

"Well, hello there, little Irwin! And how have you been this year?"

[the-ambush-bug.livejournal.com]

"Well, I can't complain, sir. It's been a fairly interesting year. Welcome to the show, by the way - I appreciate you making time in your busy schedule!"

[old-saint-nick.livejournal.com]

"It's no problem at all!" he chuckles, his belly jiggling like a bowl full of something Bill Cosby once sold as he takes a seat. "Now, why don't you come over and sit on my lap and tell old Santa what you want for Christmas this year?"

[the-ambush-bug.livejournal.com]

"Well, sure!" He practically hops into Santa's lap, pulling out a pre-prepared list from a pocket.

"You ready?"

[old-saint-nick.livejournal.com]

"Go right ahead, little Irwin!"

[the-ambush-bug.livejournal.com]

He clears his throat and begins to go down the list. "I want a Legion Flight Ring.. and a piece of Jewel Kryptonite.. and a Batman Utility Belt. And Cheeks would like a new costume, and a dictaphone."

"And if you have time, I could go for some of that world peace stuff."

[old-saint-nick.livejournal.com]

"Oh, good. Whirled peas. Always good for young boys like you to get their vegetables." He smiles and hands Ambush Bug a Barbie doll. "Now, how about Houngan's turn?"

[jla-villains.livejournal.com]

"I'm not much for sittin' on de laps, Monsieur Pere Noel. But I am always 'appy to 'ave new fetishes under de tree."

[old-saint-nick.livejournal.com]

"Well, someone had better start behaving in the weeks before Christmas. Someone might already be on the 'naughty' list." He checks his list. "Murder, first degree; necromancy; assault; stealing of other peoples' souls; bullying... My, but someone's getting coal this year!"

He casts a disappointed look at Houngan.

[jla-villains.livejournal.com]

Houngan mutters.

"Snag me a bit of de old man's beard, Bug. Dat's all I need.."

[the-ambush-bug.livejournal.com]

"Noooooo, sir. You are not going to put the whammy on Santa."

He glares at Houngan before turning his attention back to the right jolly old elf. "Think you might be up to helping me read and answer some Christmas letters?"

[old-saint-nick.livejournal.com]

"Of course, Irwin!"

[old-saint-nick.livejournal.com]

The elves, however, move between Hougan and Santa, and threaten him with their weaponry.

"Watch it," one of them warns in a high-pitched nasally voice. "Or someone'll be having some naplum pudding for dessert."