Ambush Bug Presents #5

[the-ambush-bug.livejournal.com]

(Music Cue : "Have a Holly-Jolly Christmas")

The stage resembles a large, stylish den in this outing - decorated with all the Christmas trimmings. Stockings are hung by the chimney with care. There's a tree, decorated with metallic orange tinsel. Houngan is there, sitting at a piano.

Standing by the tree is Ambush Bug, in a Fred Rogers-esque outfit, complete with slacks, a sweater, and a toupee. He's sipping a small cup of egg nog as he 'notices' the camera. "Oh, well! Seems our guests have finally arrived. Hello, folks, and welcome to the Ambush Bug Christmas Special Extravaganzapalooza. Now also serving Hanukkah and Kwanzaa, to the best of our limited ability to understand and properly spell those holidays."

"We have a whole evening of Holiday Fun lined up - some special guests to make you smile, and I may just belt out a rendition of some holiday standard. Later on, I think we'll go to the phones, and maybe we'll even look at some letters to Santa Claus.."

He trails off, looking annoyedly off-camera towards his musical director. "What are you fidgeting about, Houngan?"

Comments

[the-ambush-bug.livejournal.com]

The first commercial opens with a montage of footage taken from superhero conflicts. Massive scenes of property damage. Then, a voiceover begins.

"In this world, we have to deal with catastrophes of all shapes and sizes."

A still photo of Bizarro and his purple alien-child.

"Sometimes, they're purple and ravenous."

Amateur video footage of the crawling purple alien child, eating anything on which it can lay hands - before noticing the cameraman, and leaping for the camcorder - the image freezes.

"Life comes at you fast. Trust Countrywide Insurance."

Countrywide is on your siiiide..

[jla-extras.livejournal.com]

The second commercial begins in a fancy restaurant - Dick Clark smiles and nods to a waiter, who scurries off to prepare a check. Dick turns to the camera.

"Hi, do you know me? You may think that you do - but you don't."

Folding his arms on the table, he leans conspiratorially towards the camera. "You see, I'm the internationally-reviled supercriminal known as the Ultra-Humanite. And ordinarily, when I'm mistaken for my host bodies, it's intentional."

"Sometimes, though, you need to have access to resources above and beyond that of your host - bail money, under the table bribes, that sort of thing. That's why, whenever I transfer my brain, I also transfer my wallet and this - " he holds up a credit card " - my Bialyan Express card."

"Whether you're wearing the latest would-be starlet, or just Bob Smith, you can take your Bialyan Express card along for the ride. Make sure to memorize your personal identification code, though - identity theft is such a problem this day and age."

The camera shows a close-up of a sample card, and he continues, in voiceover.

"Bialyan Express. Never leave a host body, without it."

Then he is on the screen once more, and winks at the camera. "See you all this New Year's."